December update

 Life is happening. 

Mateo: Still the sweetest. He would randomly kiss and hug me, say "I love you", most of the time to also get what he wants lol. He knows to be gentle towards mama, gives me time to rest sometimes, but also shows he's sad about it. You hear the crack in his voice, or how he would just cover his face and cry. He is still very active, jumps and runs around. He would use the words literally, obviously; could navigate his tablet smoothly. He could spell his name, read it or type it. He can spell banana, mateo, blippe, cat, blue. He knows where he lives, lake stevens washington, recently I taught his birthdate, february 28, the year is to follow. he can add some numbers, knows 55+12 because of 67!. He said for his next birthday it will be spiderman themed...or sprunki. He would ask about playdates and knows his friends. He knows when he hurts someone accidentally and says sorry. Sometimes he would still use hit when he gets mad. He can slowly feed himself using spoon and fork, his fave is still rice. hotdog, spam, adobo, nilaga, lumpia, hinanese chicken, longganisa, banana, strawberry, grapes, cakes, brownies, m&ms. His words are much clearer, too. Sentences are most of the time correct, sometimes things would not make sense like when you ask him "Why do you need me to carry you?" he would say "because I love you" lol. 

Camilla: Still smart. Very ate to Mateo. Very caring and steps up when she needs to. Still a baby too. Or a cry baby, crying is the default when she does not get what she wants. We are still reminding her to use her words to express what she wants. She loves school, teacher gave her accolades, she loves it more this year since she is classmates with Leah. Playdates galore, which is fine, Very creative, artistic and messy. Her desk and room cannot stay tidy. Love that she is very imaginative, but stressed about the mess. Still teaching her to clean up as much as she can. School incident with Lailah about showing her behind in front of Camilla and Leah's faces at lunch just because. Got it raised to Mrs. Mchlachlan and hopefully things settle down. She is in Kindness club even though she does not have classmates here, just friends from different classes. Eating habits we should still improve on, her diet is all carbs and dairy. And more books, less device. Lord please help us.

Mommy: Still sick. Just finished my 8th session, now in cycle 3. I can feel the meds effects hitting me. I have lost 95% of my hair, if not 98%.  I had it cut, and I am now bald. I have a few rashes on the scalp. I have hot flashes at night and sometimes in the day, I have bloody nose, I have peripheral neuropathy on both hands, lets say 8%, it comes and goes. Today, it's more like 2%, not so bad. I have insomnia on the day of infusion, I have to take Miralax for better bowel movement, and I get tired more.  I dont have nausea, I have not vomited, my appetite is still ok, less headache, no mouth sores. Still on LOA, I just dont know if I am able to get some pay after the WA paid hours have ran out. If not, I would have to go unpaid, but still have job protection. For now, just taking it still one day at a time, spending time with the fam, and making sure I get the treatment needed to survive this. 

Daddy: Still working at his new job. He continues to shine as an executive chef, and things are moving along for him. Most of the time it is slow, but we just keep reminding him to take it as a breather, and to be ready when things start to roll faster. At home, he has shouldered most of the tasks. Reminds the kids to give mommy some time and space to rest. I love it when he stands his ground and explains to the kids what he wants the kids to follow and do, not by force or because he has reached his boiling point too, but sometimes I see and hear the care and love and patience from him, I know he is keeping it together too, and puts his strongest suit each and every day. I have never heard a complain, or that he had talked back, or argued. And that, I appreciate. That I see every time. I just have not been very vocal about, as usual. I will try harder. 

. 

 

I am sick.

Can you believe it? I have cancer. 

It is Nov 23, 2025. Almost 2 months since I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. After all the tests, coming from my Oncologist's notes, it is a stage 2A. One mass, that was about 2.8cm, 2 lymph nodes. And this is the same time with mama, having lung cancer, stage 4. I don't even know how and what to feel anymore. We are going to fight our own battle, and we will survive this. Tomorrow will be another infusion day, starting the 2nd cycle, it's the 5th session of Paclitaxel. Tomorrow is also mama's follow up with her doctor. 

Mateo is 3 and 2 months, Camilla is 8 and 6 months

 So, words first:

burger becomes BOOrgur(Booger). 

Mateo knows family's names: mom, dada, ate, lola, lolo, mamang, papang, tito doctor. How to spell his own name, too. He remembers the Philippines trip (Dec-Jan 2025). He watches, wubbox. recently sprunky. Still watches Blippi, Danny Go, Ryan, Peppa, Bluey. Every, I mean EVERY night, either Home Alone 1, or Super Mario Bros, or Moana 2 (he calls it Yoana). He calls Maui "you're welcome". Today he says "right plus wrong equals rrrrriiiiiaaawwww!!" Still hard for him to say the letter "s" at the beginning, or "l". Sometimes he remembers and corrects himself. He knows he is younger, he knows ate is 8 yrs old. He knows ate's friends at school. Our weekday routine has been wake up, breakfast, drop off, snack, lunch, nap rarely, pick up, snack, dinner. He still loves bananas. Staying away for now from strawberries. still loves grapes and rice and adobo. Hotdogs, spam, eggs, oreos, pocky strawberry, shrimp chips, pringles, ruffles, noodles. knows how to add from 1+1 until 5+5. Used to know until 8+8.  Doctor says he's at 95 percentile for height, 87 percentile for weight, 60% bmi. Still very very very sweet. He wakes up one morning, says "Ok mommy I am awake, I am ready to play. 

Camilla. Camilla and Lea. Bffs, started with playdates. Plays Roblox together. daily. "Fascination" with Jojo Siwa. Fave movies still Avatar 1 and 2. Mulan. Raya. Camilla has been banned in roblox for all the wrong words she used. Hopefully she is learning from this. Hopefully we are addressing it the right way at least. I always want her to talk to me about these things, and not hide it. May 2025, she got a swollen lymph nodes. We are still trying to get better together. Ultrasound soon, hopefully nothing worst. She is still doing fantastic in school. She still loves drawing, crafts, creating a mess an art. From squishies, to paper origami, to cut out drawings. We are in the middle of collecting store/shop toys. She takes care of Mateo when I tell her to, most of the time it's a cat-dog fight, but we learn every day. I love it when she lets him play with her, whether it be in Roblox, Minecraft, shops toys, playdoh, kinetic sand, orbeez, chalks. Hopefully they would continue to learn to share and take care of each other. 

DId you know

It's been months...MONTHS.

I just don't understand still why. And I am not going to say anything, if I can. Which is what I am good at. Keeping mum. IF you ever notice it, these walls are way up. It's been there since. 

Mateo's words at 2 yrs old

Fumberstorm -thunderstorm

Happy New Here-new Year

Frog -F*ck

Sit -Sh*t

"Oh yeahhh"

"Carry you" -carry me

Aquaphor for itchyness

Achi -ate

Princess pits -peach

Orends -orange

Jan 2025

We had been to The Philippines and back! Dec 13-Jan 1, we were 39, 8 and 2. Christmas had felt different. I thought it would be the same, but somehow it had lost its spark when I was there (maybe also because things have changed) and it now feels more home-y here in the US. This is again of course considering we have been hopping from one place to another, no decent sleep, or rest etc. Anyway, Manila!!! We had a straight flight from Seattle to Manila, 16hrs and 35mins. Going back was a solid 11 hrs and 10 mins, both flights at night so we kind of went straight to "bed" the next few hours after onboarding. 

Always to the mall we go! We had our time in Baguio Dec 16-18, Dessert Museum on Dec 19, Palawan Dec 21-24, Chrismas lunch at kuya Chippi's Dec 25, Tagaytay Dec 25-27, BGC Dec 27-Dec 31, kuya Chippi for New Year's Eve Dec 31-Jan1. 

Kids had a lot of firsts! Glad to have visited Baguio and they got to do the things we did as well.as kiddos aka bike,Minesview,CampJohnHay. I remember just now the scary moment with Mateo when he just ran off out of the retaurant and into the streets. No one even noticed that he went out!!! Good thing di ko pinilit lakarin yung convenience store with Camilla and just stayed outside and walked back to the front door side to see Mateo running straight to me. Kalye na yun with motor at jeepneys. Super scary! Another to remember how Mateo vomitted. Poor babeh. We blame the van.

After Baguio was the Museum and food trip ng tatay. Then Palawan. Then Tagaytay and meet with Nikki Tri and Junjun plus Rabang fam. We were supposed to go back to Cavite for the house blessing+lunch at ate Kure but Mateo had diarrhea and Martin already didnt want to go dahil mahirap daw. Dang edi wag. Then BGC and Mind Museum. 

Photo dump here:

The Darkest Lowest Times

Today is June 10, 2024.

This clean draft is dating Feb 8 2024. I am contemplating if I should put into words what I and we have gone through or if I should just keep everything in that notebook. I am not sure if I am brave enough to open that door again or even dare to bring out a piece of it and immortalize it here in the webspace. 

I digress.

Life update

Camilla is now 7 yrs, 7mos. Mateo is now 2 yrs 3mos.

Camilla had her first field trip in Everette Theatre to watch a mermaid play. It was her first time riding a school bus, which she liked because she was with friends, but didn't like because the windows were dirty. She had decided that she is not going to ride the school bus again lol. She also had her first school concert at the Lake Stevens Middle school, singing about dinosaurs. She had a few solo lines that made her and us proud. "They gobbled up the table cause they wouldn't pay their checks!" Her assessments had been really impressive as well. Spelling has also been great, sentences and stories very much had improved, mathematics and calculations have been faster too.  Soon this girl will be in second grade! 

Mateo on the other hand is another story. This is a ball of energy every single day. He is very caring and sweet too! He would put his blanky over me and say "good night mama!" He still likes getting carried a lot. He can talk in full sentences, his words are still a work in progress. He dances with his but swaying, he can count 1-10 in english, filipino and spanish, can count upto 20 in english, knows his abc's (clearer L M N O P sometimes), dances to the gummy bear song, danny go songs like robot, razmatazz, pumpkin pie, likes to watch blippi, jason, ryan and loooves wubbox. his fave food is adobo rice, strawberry, grapes, banana, cookies. he still love balls and play doh, as well as balloon and bubbles. it's still hard to get him to try new things like new shoes or shirt or pants or socks. he loves bath time, now asks for his pool. he loves to jump on the bed, jump fall. when he throws a tantrum he would fall or lay on the floor and cry. he follows his at A LOT. loves to use crayons and markers. loves the swing. he has travelled to the Philippines and Canada. he knows his name, the spelling of his name (he can recognize it) he knows his ate's name, mom's and dada's. he knows papang and mamang, tito andrew, lolo and lola, kuya ethan, baby brianna, tito ogie and tita bubbles. he knows ate's friends--his friends ate juliette and keira. he still loves school bus.  when he eats something sweet, he would immediately ask for water. 

Cheers,

Thanksgiving 2023

Grateful.

October 14, 2023 Updates

Camilla has started school, she is in first grade! She is doing great, she's got new friends and same friends. Lost her front tooth, slipped and got a wound while playing, got big bruises, learning more about math, learning new subjects like science and human anatomy, learning about folklore and fables, learning about reading comprehension and writing. She is now 7! Her birthday could be a separate update altogether, we'll see. She invited a few more friends, spent it at Flying Squirrel and we had a home celebration too. We have been working on controlling emotions--the drama, the shouting, it's been tough and rough and we are still working on it. 

Mateo is 1 yr and 7 months, chatty and animated. He follows ate Camilla a lot, observes and learns fast too. Loves to eat, still a strawberry, banana and rice lover. Loves desserts. He knows family, colors!, some shapes, some letters, some animals. He loves bringing ate to school and picking her up since he loves seeing buses. He gets sooo excited. His words are coco for chocolates, bippi for blippi, apple for strawberries, touches his nose for water, he could still sign for more, milk, wait, please, again, stop. He does not like spaghetti, bread or finger food like fries, still does not like when we clean his nose, not a veggie eater either but when mixed within soup, he takes it. He can sing the last words of some of his fave songs, listens a lot to do to the propeller by the wiggles, you're welcome, as it was, flower, brushy brush, wheels on the bus. Fave shows are elmo, blippi, ms. rachel. 

Work has been tough, only since I can't seem to be completing a lot. I have not been productive and it stresses me out thinking how I am going to these meetings. Home stresses me out too. I feel like a lot is on me and I don't get the help that I need when I need it. The constant inconsistency. I always run around, always out of time, unable to stop and rest. It just overwhelms me each day and not being able to have a moment to take a breather...I just lose it most of the time. My thoughts are very unhealthy. 

Philippines trip was fun... the flight was a nightmare. Not doing that again with a 1 yr old, and a dad that's clueless. The best part was Camilla and Joy being together. It was just pure fun for the two.